Wolf Pangloss's Fish Taco Stand

"But, reverend father," said Candide, "there is horrible evil in this world."

"What signifies it," said the Dervish, "whether there be evil or good? When his highness sends a ship to Egypt, does he trouble his head whether the mice on board are at their ease or not?"

"What, then, must we do?" said Pangloss.

"Hold your tongue," answered the Dervish.

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Location: Edge City, Titan

10 February 2008

How to Cheat the Vote: Appendix AA

AA standing for Advertising Age. Which is where Ken Wheaton describes how his Republican primary vote ended up being cast for Hillary Clinton.
So I slide into the voting booth and go to the pull the lever and ... nothing. It doesn't budge. I try again. Out of curiosity I lightly pull on one of the Democratic candidates' levers. That seems to be working fine. I stick my head out of the booth and tell the guy there's a problem. I tell him I'm a registered Republican, at which point he announces to the entire table, "Oh, this guy's a Republican," as if it's been six generations since they've seen such a thing. In fact, one of the other workers says, "A Republican? Really?"

I want to make it clear: This wasn't a case of voter intimidation. It wasn't as if the poll workers said, "Ewwww, is there slime coming out of his butt" or "Oh, so that's what Satan smells like." No, it was more a sound of amazement. I suddenly knew what the Great White Buffalo feels like. That said, I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to announce a voter's affiliation across the polling place. You'd think the Board of Elections would cover that in the classes it gives to poll workers.

So the guy fidgets with the outside of the booth, then comes back and STEPS INTO THE BOOTH WITH ME. "Go ahead and try it now," he says, watching over my shoulder. I reach for the lever and ... nothing. "Hold on," he says, and steps outside of the booth, fiddles with the machine, steps back into the booth and says, "Now try." Lather, rinse, repeat. I suggest maybe the big lever that registers the vote might have to be reset for this to work. At first he says no, but then changes his mind. "Well, we'll just have to throw in a vote," he says.

At this point, he selects Hillary Clinton then pulls the lever. Ka-ching. One more vote for Hillary.

We then try again. Nothing. So he gives me a paper ballot.

That is slick from the poll worker/vote cheater's point of view! Work the polls. Get paid. Get to vote many times. I wonder if this Hillary Clinton-supporting Brooklyn poll worker was a New Hampshire resident for a day back when Hillary Clinton had the miraculous and unexpected win against Obama earlier this primary season.

Well, it's slick unless you are an actual voter who obeys the rules and doesn't habitually cheat and defraud your way around the world.


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Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. Ye shall know them by their fruits.

                Matthew 7:15-16